I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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