3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
