Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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