He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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