Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
