I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
