He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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