...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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