Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
