i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
