He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
