why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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