I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
