I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
