Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
