I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
