I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
