Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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