3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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