I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The air taste purple.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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