Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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