Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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