She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
