shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
