There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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