i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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