I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
