Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like eating out sand paper
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
