just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
