You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
