I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
