I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
