I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
