Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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