Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
