I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
