I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
