You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
