he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
