I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well you can't waste a boner
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
