Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my shit smells like andre
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
