god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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