I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
