I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
