I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
