so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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