i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
