like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
