I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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