All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
