Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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