I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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